Dear Men

Wow, it’s been a while since I updated and I’m sorry that my posts are so inconsistent. I hope you are all doing well and this post some how makes sense to you.

Dear men,

Ever heard the phrase “nice guys finish last?” Well recently this phrase has really been hitting me because the more I think about it the more it seems true. Let me explain this a little bit to you.

So here you are talking to a girl and perhaps you’ve been hitting it off really well and suddenly she drops the you’re too nice. How do you feel? I saw a tweet about this the other day which I can’t remember exactly but it went a little something like, “I hate it when she says you’re too nice. What do you want me to do then Susan stab you in the eye with a fork?” And though it did make me laugh it kind of gave me the idea that boys don’t usually want to hear this.

The exact reason as to why she would have said this to you is unknown because it depends on context but I’ll give it from my perspective. When most women say this they do mean it literally. You are too nice, probably suffocating her in a way too so it is her way of telling you to back off. Another reason is that she doesn’t see any chemistry with you, as in she’s just not into you.

A reason I relate with is that, she doesn’t want to hurt you because hurt people, will hurt people. We don’t like guys that are too nice because we have been broken in the past and hence we aren’t perfect and as we know how painful that is, we don’t want to be the one breaking you. We don’t think you can handle us and that we are good enough. In fact we seem so bad compared to you and your niceness, it sometimes causes unwanted insecurities.

Finally, confidence. If she drops the you’re too nice on you it could also suggest that you are lacking confidence. What most girls find attractive in a guy is effort and confidence and if you are always being nice to her and just agreeing with everything she says, it seems like you are lacking. I read a study where it said that most women do not want to be in power in a relationship so if you are always just going along with everything she says, it makes it seem like she is doing all the work. The conversations would just seem really dry and she will only come to you for advice because she knows you’d just agree with her, not that she trusts in you so much.

Now you may be asking the question why is it such a problem to be nice, the thing is it isn’t so don’t let her harden your heart. However do not be overly nice because these days people will just take advantage of that and it seems too good to be true for most girls. Just man up and give her some of your own thoughts and ideas instead of always agreeing to her. Take control of the relationship but obviously in limits.

I’ve written this aimed at guys but trust me there are many times when I have heard this phrase as a girl too. Also these aren’t like 100% accurate as in it won’t apply to all girls so don’t take everything I said literally. And finally it’s 2018 stop worrying about what other people think of you, you do you.

with love,

Broni x

 

 

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