Ever looked in a mirror and completely hated what you saw? I have. I have spent days just staring right back at my reflection and just wishing I wasn’t me. That I wasn’t so fat, so curvy, so big, so thick. My biggest insecurity had always been my weight. It was influenced mostly by media but then again at my own house. With my mum complaining how I am too lazy, fat and that I never do anything productive, it really brought me down. The one thing she told me a while a go when we went shopping was “Broni, you completely ruin clothes” Even though it was a joke, it really did hit me. Then after every top or dress I tried on I started to see it myself. I did make clothes look bad. If only I was skinnier, was my only thought. Hence from the girl who loved to shop, I stopped going out completely.
I hated going shopping, I hated walking out the house. I started living in oversized hoodies and jeans. I started hiding myself away because I didn’t want people to realise how big I actually was. Long gone were the short skirts, the dresses, the low-cut tops and along came black jeans and hoodies. I let myself be consumed by this darkness. This negativity for the perfect body with a flat stomach and a curvy body.
The media would portray the image of “perfect” and once you walked out the house or saw on social media girls who were like that, you felt as if you aren’t pretty. As if you can’t be beautiful because you don’t look like medias view of “perfect.” You don’t have the perfect body shape of an hourglass, Instagram perfect eyebrows, small/thick thighs. It’s a downwards spiral where you feel so insecure about yourself that you pile on the makeup, then when your face has an outbreak you pile on more as spots are ugly right? You are so scared to leave the house then, thinking everyone is judging you on how you look, what you wear. Some people even go through beauty treatments such as getting your face bleached. I ran a questionnaire on my Instagram that about 60% of the girls I asked had at least thought about going through beauty treatments such as a nose job to improve parts of them.
Every time I did confront someone about it and they would just say “Oh don’t be silly you are not fat.” But that didn’t make it any less painful for me. It didn’t magic away the way I thought about myself. However then on twitter I saw a post;
It was as if a ton of bricks just fell on me. I mean yes it’s so obvious and it’s not as easy as it’s said but that is when I realised. All of this wasn’t the media’s fault it was partly mine. Yes the media or people may have influenced it but ultimately it was my fault. It was my mentality. At the end of the day it’s not about how others see you, it’s about how you see yourself. It takes a while to change a persons mentality though. You can sit there and tell me that I am not fat or whatever but my brain will just push that away and be like yeh right. But girl work on that, I am. Every time someone compliments you say thank you instead of brushing it off accept it. Accept yourself. Love yourself because, You. Are. Enough. You are so enough that you don’t even know it. I think we have all got so used to seeing ourselves in the mirror everyday we get bored of our beauty, until you see another girl, a fresh face and you think damn I wish I was as pretty as her. Little did you know that is exactly what that girl is thinking about you.
Another womans beauty isn’t the absence of yours
Growing up we are taught about love being between two people. Boy to girl, friends to friends, parents to child all that. No one ever mentions you to you love; self-love. Self love is knowing your own worth, health and happiness. No I’m not talking about self obsession that’s a complete different thing. I am talking about loving yourself first, accepting yourself just the way you are because you are “wonderfully and fearfully made.” It’s about respecting yourself in all ways possible. I feel as if people who accept themselves as they are, are the happiest kind of people. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes but that is not what matters the most, it’s what is in the heart that makes you beautiful. Next time someone says something negative about you remind yourself, you are yours before you are anyone else’s. Believe in yourself and remind yourself everyday that you are a beautiful. Accept every single piece of you, love every piece of you, even the pieces you call “fat”.
How am I changing my mentality you may ask? It’s simple really and it may sound real stupid but it’s working. It was really hard when I started doing it because I just couldn’t see it, I had hated myself that much.
Repeat these three things to yourself every morning you wake up while looking in the mirror;
I am strong,
I am smart,
I am beautiful
And I am enough
I can see the changes in myself and I started this in March. I can slowly ease out of the hoodies and jeans to dresses and skirts. I have never been much of a makeup girl simply because I didn’t feel the need to put in effort for anyone. However now I do wear a little makeup now and again but only to please myself though. It makes me happy, I am more comfortable in my own skin these days. So what I have fat on me, it keeps me warm okay?
However saying all this if you still aren’t happy with yourself, work on it. Do something about it rather than hating yourself so much to the point it affects your mental health. Make plans, go for a run, hit the gym, detox. But only do it for yourself as
“You are the only constant in your life, people come and go.”
Do it for you. Do it to make yourself happy. If you are doing it for that guy, stop. If he doesn’t love you the way you are, then he isn’t worth being with because he doesn’t love who you truly are. Change for no one but yourself. But for now girl, strut yourself walk down that street with confidence as if you own the place, now that is hot!
On my questionaire I asked if you girls had any advice to give to other girls and my favourite was from Gen Pips. Next time you think “oh I wish I looked like her or I had her legs think about this;
Our bodies are a physical illustration of our beautiful personalities. And we don’t all act alike so why should we all look alike?
A.N HONESTLY I WISH I COULD TELL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU OUT THERE THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WISH I COULD TAKE AWAY WHAT MOST OF YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU LOOK IN A MIRROR. I KNOW THAT FEELING AND IT BREAKS ME TO KNOW THAT 80% OF THE GIRLS I ASKED FELT THAT WAY. I LOVE YOU MY BEAUTIFUL LADIES!