Indian Aunties


Well if it isn’t that time of year again, when indian parents/aunties/uncles don’t care how you are doing anymore it’s just, “exams engane pogunthu? revise cheytho?”

I mean I nearly had an incident when an aunty asked me what do you want to be in the future and as an automatic response I say to my friends I opened my mouth to go, “duh I’m going to take up pole dancing lessons and become a stripper.” Thank fully I realised what I was going to say half way and shut my self up and said that I will go do A levels at sixth form. Jeez that was a close call. I mean it’s just a stressful time of year in general without having the constant interrogations from all the mallu aunties. Like damn women give me some space to breathe. Don’t get me wrong I love them and all but it’s just the society that makes them like that, don’t hate on them. Saying that here she is having a rant about the types of them *sighs*

Type 1 of aunties is the gossip wolves. I swear like 35% of the time they are gossiping on the phone to their fellow friends or so they say. They hunt in packs I tell you, they are like wolves. Expect wolves are loyal to each other, they aren’t. I mean come on we all know how much they talk behind each others back, if not about them, then about their child. Like how much are they going to hate on each other and then when they are face to face, sugar coat each other with sickly sweet greetings. They can sit at home and rant to you about how much they don’t like that other aunty but when they see them at a party or out, you might mistake them for being best friends since they were in diapers. Oh but wait they didn’t have diapers in their time. In their time it’s like “ende oku kallathu njan pathu mile nadantha schoolil poykonde irenthathu, ipol niniku carinu, caru, bookine, booku, bikeinu, bikeu” (in my time back then I had to walk 10 miles to school, now you have cars, books, bikes for all that you need) And I’m here all like okay, okay mum I get it, life was harder back then but times have changed and I’m more than grateful for that, honestly. I don’t need a daily reminder from you.

Type number two, the boastful one. Another thing I noticed aunties do is that they like to compare. Compare you with other kids in the society or compare how big their house is to yours or whatever it may be.  The one who is so delusional and thinks that their child is an absolute angel when we all know he’s/she’s the devil reincarnated. While the aunties are all gathered around talking they will casually just drop facts about their child like “oh my girl she does all the housework and studies as well.” But we all know that when she says she’s “studying” she’s actually just on her phone or when she’s going to the library she’s gone to meet up with her friends. Or when he’s all like “Yeh mum I’m going to my friends party today just like 6 of us from school will be back in the morning/ late at night.” We all know that 6 people is actually like 30 and there will be drinks involved along with gosh knows what. (Oh I see you lil rebels)

Type number three, the silent observer. This aunty will be the one that quietly watches you from afar. She doesn’t usually talk much but you know she’s judging you. Girls, when you are at the unmissable Indian parties with your hair done, make up done etc she will stare at each and every detail and maybe come up to you and be like “ithu kollam.” Then when you are dancing away at the end during the rave sesh, she will watch you to see if you get too close to the boys. If you are a guy she will come up to you and mention something about your hair undoubtedly, especially if your hair isn’t the generic mallu cut. Or how you should shave your beard but when in reality you know you’re going to look like a baby without the beard.

I mean Nivin Pauly is a clear example, of how you go from a 4 to a 10 with a beard (my opinion too I guess)

Anyway I think I’d best end this here and now.

Good luck to everyone taking their exams whether that be GCSE’s, A levels, Final year etc. I mean with everything going on with me I doubt I’m going to come out with 10 B’s never mind A*s. I will be lucky if I pass I think even that will be due to God’s grace.

with love,


P.S I’m not hating on guys without a beard, you can look good without one too.


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